I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Ketchup is God's man juice
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
