You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
