Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
