Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
