I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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