She is in my trunk
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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