I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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