Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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