You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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