if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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