It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
