youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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