do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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