woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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