Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
