Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
