she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
