And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
