i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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