I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
