either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
