Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
