to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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