Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
