i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?