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• (305): View more from Florida

  considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on

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• (862): View more from New Jersey

  dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.

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• (408): View more from California

  he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  I need a hug and tequila

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  This is why we need to live in the same city again

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".

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• (310): View more from California

  Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.

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