I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.