oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????