considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.