I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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