Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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