Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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