so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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