i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
