were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize