And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
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I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
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I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
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