yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
