You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
