I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
