i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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