Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
