my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
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after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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