So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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