Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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