ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
