Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
