looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize