Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
