I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
