Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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