yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
