And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I cut my penus on the lid.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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