my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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