Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
