Umm I'm too high to move.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize