No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
