two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
