when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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