how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
