You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
