12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
