And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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