She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
