i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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