Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
