that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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