when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
