I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
