after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
