You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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