Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
