We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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