and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize