Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
