before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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