someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
