and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
