I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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