this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize