paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
