apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
