Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
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You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize