Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
